Like this:

Over the years, I’ve learned an awful lot.  I haven’t enjoyed many of these lessons.  Most of them involved a high degree of pain.  The good news is, a lot of times when people get hurt, it’s pretty funny.  Admit it, you’ve laughed hysterically when someone fell down at least once in your life!  Looking back, I can finally laugh at some of those painful lessons, and so should you!

Kim’s Top Ten Life Lessons

1.  Always wear a heavily padded bra, or even 2, when playing paintball.  If you don’t, you may end up with a mostly green and purple boob that looks like it has 2 nipples.  It’s not nearly as cool as it sounds.

2.  Don’t attmept a Class V rapid in an inflatable kayak your first time kayaking with your husband.  Just because the Class II and Class III rapid before it went well doesn’t mean the Class V will!  Another hint, if the name of the rapid ends with the word “Falls”, avoid it!  This one still isn’t funny, other than our complete idiocy.  Jason managed to pull me out just in time.

3.  When you’re running fast trying to avoid a tardy that will probably lead to after school detention, always watch where you’re going.  A pole, 2 black eyes, and a bloody nose taught me that one.  On the bright side, I got to skip that class entirely!

4.  When you pull your pants up in the woods, always check for yellow jackets first.  It’s not fun having one trapped in your pants, nor is it fun when you fall down trying to get your pants back off! (I’m sooooo glad this isn’t on video!!!!)

5.  Do not drive 50 on a freshly oiled gravel road.  Do not store tire chains behind the seat in your pickup.  Do not total your pickup and get hit in the head with tire chains.  It’s not a good combination!

6.  Do not go for an early morning walk in West Eagle Meadows (Eagle Cap Wilderness) alone.  Do not walk within 10 feet of a cougar before realizing it’s there.  Do not get followed by a cougar for over a mile, because you did not realized how far you had wandered away from camp.  But if you do, show your husband the cougar tracks on top of yours on the trail, because he probably won’t believe you until you do!  Or use the camera you’re holding to take a picture instead of using it to protect the back of your neck!  It seemed like a good option at the time. (I have a picture of the tracks on mine!)

7.  When the gym wall is about a foot behind the basket, do not try to block that girl’s lay-in, even if you know you can.  The faceplant into concrete a split second later really isn’t worth it (although I think the crowd would disagree!).  I hate you, Joseph gym!!!!

8.  An ice axe also makes an excellent weapon.  But, if you manage to somehow flip your pack just right when you take it off, you might end up using it on yourself!  Whatever.  Cool scar.

9.  Before you and your friend go catch-and-release fishing, make sure one of you is good at removing hooks quickly.  No, I have no idea why there are so many fish floating in Morgan Lake. And neither does Kelsey Schaures!

10.  When you drive 5 hours away for a hunting trip, make sure you bring your gun.  (Thank you, Dad, for driving back to get it…2 years in a row…)

See, pain and humiliation are hilarious!

 

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