As you can probably guess, we were able to get a new internet card sooner than I thought we’d be able to!  Yay!  Thank you Verizon (and God) …that should probably be in the other order!

Narrator:  “Last season, on Nelmark Remark, Kim was struggling with the looming rainy season, a strong-willed temper toting toddler, a husband who works so much he is rarely home, and a broken down truck.  One day, while wondering if her life could be turned into a hit country song, she came to a realization.  A realization that changed her life. (Oooooo – cliffhanger!)”

Kim:  “Everyone leaves a legacy.  Some parents leave a legacy of love – for God, for animals, for hiking, for the ocean, for art.  Others leave a legacy of bad decisions – of drugs, of abuse, of prostitution, of violence.  Most parents, even the great ones, leave a legacy swirled with both the wonderful and the not-so-wonderful. 

Each child has a choice to carry on their parent’s legacy or to start a new legacy of their own.  Most carry on, at least in large part, with their parents legacy, whether it’s good or bad.  Few even realize that they’re carrying it on.  Fewer still have the wisdom and courage to change it.

For anyone who doubts the importance and influence of legacy, talk to someone who has been adopted, or whose parent has passed away.  From the time we are born, we learn by watching and by imitating.  It’s our first and truest form of learning.  Nearly everything you have learned to do has been through imitation.  And most of us imitate no one more than our parents.

My parent’s legacy was definitely swirled with the beautiful and the terrible.  I always knew I wanted something different from what they had.  I wanted a husband who made me feel special, appreciated, safe, valuable, smart, and lovely.  I wanted to make my husband feel strong, adventurous, brave, successful, and respected.  And I definitely found someone who completes this picture (most days anyway).

But once I had this, what did I do with it?  To be honest, I was definitely a bit clueless when it came to how a healthy relationship should work.  I didn’t realize it, but in so many ways I imitated and expected things that would have happened in my parents relationship.

The best example of this is probably my house.  Growing up, most things that happened in our house revolved around dad.  Mom tried to clean things perfectly, because she was scared that any little thing out-of-place would upset him.  Mom didn’t decorate the way she wanted to, because dad liked bare walls.  It seems silly, but these things were part of the legacy that was passed down to me.

I was horrible at cleaning the house up until the past couple months.  It really bothered me, but I could never seem to grasp the reason that I struggled so much with it.  Every boss I’ve ever had has commended me for being a self-starter and a hard worker, which I am.  So why, when it came to my own home, could I find no motivation?  2 months ago, it all became clear to me.  Even though I had a healthy relationship with a good and patient man, I was waiting for that good and patient man to tell me what to do, how to do it, and get angry with me when I couldn’t quite do it the way he wanted.  Of course, my good and patient man never did that, so the house didn’t get cleaned.

I don’t understand why it took me so long to get that, but it did.  I chose a relationship that was totally different from my parents, but I was still expecting the same things.  I kept the walls sparsely decorated.  I was afraid to put too much up, because I just knew it would bother him.  I couldn’t have been more wrong about that, either.  It hit me like a 10 ton brick when I realized what I was doing and why!

I didn’t have the greatest upbringing, but it definitely wasn’t the worst either.  I had some demons in my past, but I was sure that I’d dealt with them and moved on.  I never imagined that some of the things I hated so much about my past would still have such a hold on me now.  I’m happy to report that my walls are now utterly covered with my photographs and beautiful picture frames and cute quotes, and there’s candles and flowers and camo and deer antlers everywhere!  It’s wonderful!  It’s also clean.  Not because Jason told me to, but because I took charge of my own home, and took pride in making it a beautiful, clean place that runs smoothly.  I know it seems obvious, but it was a completely foreign concept to me!

There are so many things about my parent’s legacy that I love and cherish.  I feel lucky to have had them as parents, despite their shortcomings.  I also feel lucky to have recognized some of their shortcomings that I was imitating and to begin a new legacy in my home.

It makes me wonder what kind of legacy we will pass on to Owen.  What shortcomings of ours will he claim as his own?  What will he imitate that we wouldn’t want him to?  And what can we do to change that now?

Wow, now there’s some deep food for thought.  Now that you’re caught up on my life, let’s catch up on some pictures!

Seems like the wrong time of year, but these Asters in our yard decided to bloom 2 days ago, and I was overjoyed!

This picture makes me dizzy!

The beauty of a sunny Fall day!

Helping mommy with the yard work...also known as scattering the freshly raked leaves all over the yard again!

Giant red ball - $2.00. Rake - $14.99. Hours of entertainment - priceless!

"Mmmmmm...tastes like pears!" I didn't taste it to see if he was telling the truth, but I was tempted!

Leaf pile destruction at it's finest!

It totally looks like he's power walking! I suppose this is part of my legacy! Poor kid!;)

More Fall beauty, with a hint of barbed wire, because barbed wire is almost as great as duct tape!

Episode 2 coming soon!  Stay tuned!

Dear faithful blog readers (all 2 of you),

I have been a terrible blogger lately, and I have a terrible excuse too! I’m gonna blame it on Owen. He has broken our little USB modem that we use to get online twice now.  Thank goodness I have a husband who is an electrician and has been able to make it useable with mass amounts of electrical tape.  It’s quite the redneck contraption now!  It also does not stay connected to the internet for more than a couple minutes at a time, and sometimes it takes forever to get it to reconnect.  My blog has definitely suffered as a result.  What used to be a fun writing activity has morphed into a frustrating and time consuming process.  Exhibit A – it took me over an hour to do this post!  We can get a new USB modem in the first part of December, so I promise I’ll be back up and typing then!  You’ll just have to wait in suspense in the meantime.  Season 2 will start soon!

“Handle every stressful situation like dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away!”

This would be my new favorite quote.  Although it is rarely applicable, it still makes me smile no matter how stressed I am!  And smiling is half the battle!

Something else that helps me handle stress:

Looking at this picture I took of Mt. Jefferson earlier this summer.  I can’t look at it without at least feeling a little peaceful, even when everything else around me seems to be crashing down.  Hopefully you get to experience a little bit of that peaceful feeling too!

Yay for sun! This afternoon will be full of taking pictures of Owen playing outside and being his super cute self! This evening brings a fun little mother son hunting trip, then bedtime for the munchkin, then a new 90210 and a little picture editing and scrapbooking! I hate it when Jason is working nights and we never see him, but I do have lots of time to work on fun little projects!

I’ve really been trying hard to find as much positive as I can in order to ward off the growing sense of anxiety I feel about the rainy season.  I am not a person who has a hard time staying positive, especially in the face of very negative situations, but I find that sometimes I take the things that help me stay positive for granted.

Like pictures.  I feel powerful and creative behind the lens of a camera, and my home is filled with images of nature, wildlife, and family that I have spent so much time looking at through that lens.  Seeing the fawn below the tv, the lupine near Jefferson Park above the couch, the wildflowers covering my kitchen cupboards, and the sunset above the fireplace puts me at peace.

And fish.  The aquarium in my kitchen has been such a bright spot even on the gloomiest days.  I don’t think fish (or fully aquatic frogs) are ever unhappy.  The vibrant colors and light makes the whole kitchen brighter.

And cows.  Cows will always make me feel at home.  As a child, my Grandpa would make me breathe in deeply every time we passed a dairy farm.  I’d lie each time and tell him it smelled wonderful.  While I’m thankful that I don’t live too close to a dairy farm, I do like seeing the cows in the pasture.

And toddler bloopers.  Life is nothing without humor, of which Owen provides plenty!  Whether it’s saying, “Shutup!” when I ask him to say, “I love you, Mama.”, or spinning until he is laughing hysterically and is so dizzy that his eyes are rolling, or telling his Dada,”Ya gotta be kiddin me!”, or climbing in a cupboard, out a window, over the couch, or up to the tv, or taking gum out of the bottom of the trash can to chew.  My monkey man amazes and amuses me everyday!

I may not have a lot, and it’s so easy to get caught up in wishful thinking.  I could go for having a car, or a house that wasn’t from 1962 and didn’t have a hitch, or a little more money in the bank, or a babysitter and a way to take a break.  But what I do have is so much more valuable than that, and no sacrifice is too great to help provide my family with the love and care that they deserve. 

It’s not about the earthly possessions and the accumulation of wealth or imagined success.  It’s about loving to the best of our ability.  It’s about making the hard decisions that lead to the greatest benefits for the people we love.  It’s about giving without expecting anything in return.  It’s about doing your best and giving your all even when no one is watching.  It’s about fighting and pushing through adversity on a day by day basis.  Life was meant to be daring and courageous, not comfortable.  Little has been gained from comfort.  Even less still from complaining.

And so I give thanks.  For all that I have had, do have and will or will not have, I give thanks.

Recently, I have discovered a few of these lovely insects in my home:

Bald-Faced Hornet

Somehow, they seem to be finding a way into my kitchen.  Today, while doing the dishes, I stuck my head under the upper cabinets to reach for a sponge.  That was my first mistake.  My second mistake was assuming the thing I felt in my hair was a spider.  My third mistake was brushing my fingers wildly through my hair.

I don’t usually react to stings very much at all, but the temple must be a rather sensitive area.  My head and the entire side of my face is swollen so much that it’s hard to keep my left eye open.  In other words, I look pretty sexy!  For those of you who have never experienced a migraine, I would recommend getting stung by a Bald-Faced Hornet on the temple.  The pain is quite similar.

The Hornet was quickly and mercilessly killed, and the dishes were still finished.

a walk on the beach...

with a shovel in reach...

life's a peach!

until the wind blows...

but sandy toes...

and a sandy butt...

make for fun no matter what!!!

*SIGH*

I feel summer coming to a close and fall’s wet, gray hands closing in.  I feel the freedom of the outdoors and the warm embrace of the sun slowly being replaced by the seclusion and artificial flourescent light inside my house.  It sounds dramatic, but it feels like a little piece of me is dying each year around this time. 

I really struggle being in the Willamette Valley.  Every year I think it’s going to get better, and I try so hard not to let it bother me.  I love my life.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  But I hate the gloominess of the rainy season.  It’s almost like claustrophobia.  There are dark, foggy days where I feel so closed in that I border on having a panic attack.  I really have to fight to keep my emotions in check and my home on an even keel.

I’ll never forget my first year of college here.  I was so unprepared for how the weather would affect me.  I had no way to get away, so I ran.  I ran every single day of my freshmen year of college, bar none.  It became an obsession.  I couldn’t actually run away, but for an hour (or more) each day, I could feel like I was.  I also tortured some of my friends with endless lunges up the half mile hill to the gym.  They will never forgive me!  (But we were in ridiculously good shape by the end of the year!)

Now here I am, ready to start my 7th rainy season with a toddler and no vehicle, wanting to run.  Everything has changed, and nothing has.  For the past couple rainy seasons running hasn’t been a very practical option for me, but now I’m equipped with a jogging stroller with a fully waterproof rain cover, a decent level of physical fitness, a new and improved hill to challenge me, and a boy who can’t stand spending all day inside the house either!

The running obsession has been revived, and it may be the only thing standing between me and insanity in a few more months!

Dear President Carter,

The majority of us who oppose President Obama’s policies aren’t anymore racist than the people who opposed your policies were.  We are simply Republicans and Independents who disapprove of the current plans for health care reform, abortion, gay marriage, additional national debt, big government, and/or the erosion of our freedoms.  None of those issues are affected by the color of a person’s skin.  Not every African or Muslim American agrees with Mr. Obama’s policies either.  Surely I can also have a different opinion without ridiculous accusations of racism simply because of the color of my skin, because that almost sounds like racism, Sir.

Respectfully,

Kim Nelmark